Here is the Low Down from last week:
Big ginormous WTF from this weekend!! It’s disgusting. I was a big OH-FER this weekend. I was wrong on every single game. Dead wrong. My picking skills rivaled the winning skills of the Detroit Lions. I give up. This season is more like baseball. It doesn’t really matter what you do all season, just how you?re playing at the end. I can’t wait for this season to end. A couple of months ago, I was certain that the Titans and Giants would be in the Super bowl. They were both playing amazing football. And now, they’re going to be sitting at home just like me. Goes to show that the better team does not always win. That makes me so sad. I just feel like I don’t know anything. (I should have probably realized and admitted this a long time ago! I?m an idiot. There, I said it. I feel better.)
I do want to thank Big Papa for waiting the obligatory 47 minutes before rubbing it in that my picks were so horrible!! You’re a good friend. Oh, and I have to thank my sister, too, who picked all 4 games right and didn?t say anything until today.
Arizona Cardinals hosting the NFC Championship game? Is that a sign of the end of the world? The History channel has been running Armageddon stories for the last couple weeks. I thought it was really depressing. Then I watched the game Saturday night and realized that it is realistic. Just to be safe, I’ve been going to sleep with my Nikes on.
What happened to home field advantage? And why doesn?t the bye week help? What happened to the universe?
Tennessee outplayed Baltimore, but lost. They played such a great game. Sucks that it came down to a delay of game that was not called. I can’t believe that isn’t reviewable. The game really made me sad because I heart Jeff Fisher. I had a dream about him on Saturday night. I went to the gas station. Jeff was at the pump right in front of me. His wife was there, too, wearing a volleyball outfit: short shorts and a long sleeve shirt. Only she was wearing her knee pads on her feet. Jeff heard something weird with my car. So he came over and removed a side panel. There was acid spraying out everywhere. Some of the acid got on my mom. I am not sure where she came from, but she was there. Jeff was really concerned about my mom. He took care of her, then he pulled out a tube and siphoned the acid into the tube, then put the tube inside my dash. After funneling the acid into my dashboard for a few minutes, he clicked some buttons and somehow my car was converted into a Knight Rider-esque car. It was cool. And to me, it showed what an awesome guy Jeff Fisher is.
Delhomme had the worst playoff game ever. Ever. Pathetic. He threw to more Cardinals than Panthers. And it was his birthday. So sad. Why wasn?t Carolina pounding the ball? Dominant running game at home. 7-0 lead, just to lose by 20 (and that?s even counting the garbage touchdown at the end). Come on, Panthers! You run it and pound it all season long. And play strong D. Carolina should have destroyed. Or so I thought? before I realized just how stupid I am. Why did they continue to leave Fitzgerald open time after time? Why? Seriously. No Boldin. Why wouldn?t they have the guy swimming in Panthers? He was completely open in every play. Arizona stopped caring after they locked up the NFC West. They just curled up in a ball and waited for the playoffs. Now, all of the sudden comes out swinging with an amazing defense and a running came that came out of no where. I said it before and I?ll say it again, WTF?
To quote the Big Lebowski, "I hate the f**cking Eagles, man!" I watched the game at the Eagles bar that I?ve mentioned in the past. Where all of the obnoxious Eagles fans take up the front of the bar and anytime someone walks in wearing the opposing team colors, they chant "Asssssss-hoooooooole". So, I had to wear a Giants shirt and a Giants hat. Oh, and all of the non-Eagles fans had signs that said, "No, You?re an Asshole, Go Giants!" I was decked out in Giants gear and cheering my heart out. It wasn’t enough that Philly had to crush my hopes and dreams a couple of weeks ago. No. They had to go for the kill this week. And I just cannot understand it. The Giants are the better team and they are better coached. I really do not like Andy Reid. At all. I think he is a rotten person. And on top of that, he seems to be dependable to make a few really bad calls every game. Across the field is Tom Coughlin. Great coach. One of the best in the league. What happened? The only thing I can come up with is that the magic elixir that Eli started drinking in the playoffs last year wore off. He did not look good. He looked like the Eli Manning from a couple of years ago, not the one that won the Super Bowl last year. WTF?
If only Tampa Bay could have beat the Raiders at home in Game 17… Why couldn?t that have happened??
Oh well. I may have made the worst picks ever this week and had a really difficult time watching the games, but it could have been worse!! Last week, in Vail, CO, there was a skier whose chair lift malfunctioned while he was being brisked up the mountain. The seat fell out underneath him and he was flipped out, hanging upside down from the chairlift. Oh, and did I mention the fact that his pants got snagged and he was hanging upside down pants less in the freezing cold and that there were tons of camera phones on the slopes?? See? I may have had a rough weekend, but at least I still have my dignity. Well, mostly. Here is an awesome tribute to the naked skier that a local radio station did, a la Real Men of Genius. Oh, and if you want to see the uncensored pictures and read the story, go here.
I told Big Papa that I would write about his favorite show, 24, which made it’s season premier this week. I failed to mention it last week in my "List of things to look forward to that do not involve football" and he got all pissy. Sadly, I haven?t seen it yet. I’m way behind. Sorry Big Papa! I will make it up to you. Next week?s email will be entirely based on 24!!
And now for a little sappy moment? I just have to say that I feel so truly fortunate to have people in my life that make my life richer and make me a better person. I call it the "binary star relationship." According the Wikipedia, the source of all truth and knowledge, "a binary star is a star system consisting of two stars orbiting around their common center of mass." I like using this definition to apply to relationships in my life because much like the stars, I’m brighter and all around better thanks to my star companion. I thank my lucky binary stars for having such wonderful people in my life!
On that note, I hope everyone has a wonderful week and enjoys the Championship games!!
Cheers,
Juicey
