Posts Tagged ‘review’

Juicy’s NFL Week 16 in Review

Wednesday, December 24th, 2008


Just like in the NFL, there is still much to be
determined for the final playoff spots in the Point Pool. Unlike the NFL, only
the Top 5 make it to the playoffs.

 

No Thursday Game this week… PICKS ARE DUE FRIDAY, 12/26
BY 6:00 P.M. ET.


Here is the Low Down for Week 16 (with some added cheer
for the holidays):

 

Congrats once again to Rob D for hitting the biggest gain
this week. I think he should officially change his name to Lucky MoFo. Either
that, or Stylez.

 

The average points wagered by each team was 73%.

 

Overall, more bad picks were made than good picks. 57% of
the picks were bad to 43% good. And, more points were wagered on bad picks. 60%
of the points wagered were on losers.

 

The average gain/loss for the week was a loss of 4,750.

 

10 Dogs were winners in Week 16.

 

8 of those Dogs won outright; including Seattle and
Washington, whom our own NFLostradamus Big Papa predicted to be outright
winners proving once again that he is not only sexy, but smart too!!

 

The Pats can conceivably miss the playoffs with an 11-5
record, while San Diego can beat Denver to go 8-8 and
clinch the AFC West, thereby hosting a game. How sick is that? Oh, and Arizona can suck it up
again this week and lose 5 of their last 6 games to finish 8-8 and still host a
playoff game. Blah! I thought the BCS was BS.


Did you see that Bruce Gradkowski is starting for the
Browns on Sunday AT Pittsburgh.
If his numbers from this past Sunday are any indication, it could be a long day
for ol’ Brucey. He went 2-5 for 8 yards and 1 INT against the Bengals. What
happens when the Steelers break his arm(s) during the first quarter? Who will
the Browns put in? Do they have anyone left? Please tell me that Cromeo is
going to suit up! What other options do they have? Who knows, Cromeo might score
the first offensive TD for Cleveland
in 6 weeks!!

 

Maybe if the Steelers Defense scores enough Pick 6’s, Pittsburgh won’t need Big
Ben to touch the ball. 4 Fumbles?? Come on Seven. You’re better than that!

 

The Lions have a fighting chance to be the first ever
0-16 team. Good News!! The Lions have not won in Green Bay since 1992!

 

What’s up with the Jets traveling West? Do they have the
worst travel agent ever? The Jets are 0-4 on the West Coast, whereas the other
East Coast teams have combined for a really nice 10-1 record this year.  I bet all of the other teams are staying at a
Holiday Inn Express!

 

Why can’t Denver
win at home anymore? Denver
at home used to be one of the sure things. No longer. Prior to this season, the
Broncos have enjoyed the second best home field record (going 207-82 since ‘70).
They are 4-4 this season and considering that one of those wins was based more
on a Hochuli’s blown call against the Chargers, that’s a generous 0.500. I was
going to make a joke that the Barrel Man must have moved. I wanted to include a
pic of the local hero in case you guys on the East Coast didn’t know who he
was. I found his Wikipedia page. (God Bless Wikipedia for giving the
Barrel Man his own site!!!). And I saw that he frickin retired at the end of
last season. WTF?? That’s definitely the reason for the home field drought! Denver needs another
Barrel Man to step in and fill that cask!! I’ll hold tryouts before next
season. Here’s a better picture!

 

I loved the New England
game. For a lot of reasons. I won money. That’s always nice! I loved the snowy,
wintery conditions! The best football is always played in snow, as far as I’m
concerned. And I loved Matt Cassel literally throwing his success in the face
of stupid Matt Lionheart.  Cassel ended the day with 345 yards!! And I absolutely
loved loved loved Wes Welker’s snow angel!! Best snow angel ever. And, unless I’m
wrong, the only time a snow angel was penalized 15 yards in the NFL.

 

I just kept thinking on Saturday night that Dallas HAD to win their
last game at Texas Stadium. All of the former Cowboy greats standing on the
sidelines. It really should have been a winning moment for all. Well, that
feeling vanished after I saw Dallas‘
"defense" give up back to back TD runs of over 75 yards. So Long, Texas Stadium! I will
miss you.

 

Is it just me, or does it seem like people are more
outraged by Tennessee
stomping on the Terrible Towel than having our President pelted in the head by
a shoe??

 

Finally, for all you last minute shoppers? (like me)

 

I absolutely hate shopping. Hate it. I hate shopping when
the stores are empty. This time of the year, when the parking lots are a mob
scene and the stores are packed with idiots, it’s unbearable. I am an online
shopping whore. I buy everything online. One of my favorite sites is Amazon. It’s
a one-stop online shop for me. They have anything you can possibly imagine.
Books, movies, clothes, electronics. Heck, my sister even got a years worth of
cereal through Amazon. One feature I really like in the Amazon site is the
recommendations. They track your purchases and try to type cast you. Once you
get past the creepiness of it (I mean who wants a computer to be able to
dictate your likes and dislikes??), it is actually kind of a handy feature.

 

Well, I was shopping recently and noticed that I had a
lot of strange health related items. See, a couple of years ago, I bought one
of my friends some Iodine for his birthday. The Perfect Gift, right? Actually,
it was just a joke. The guy had never heard of iodine, or Monkey Blood, as I
call it. One of our mutual friends had a vicious wound on his arm (so bad that
we had to name the scab because she seemed to develop a personality of her
own). I suggested using Monkey Blood on the wound. My mom used to always treat
my flesh wounds with Monkey Blood, and I turned out just fine! A little iodine
and some gauze and you are good as new. That’s all you need in your First Aid
Kit. While I was describing my love for Iodine, my friend (the one with the
approaching birthday, not the one with the puss-seeping gash) looked at me like
I was crazy. That may, or may not be, a look that I am all too familiar with.

 

But in this case, I decided that he needed some Iodine in
his life and decided to gift him a lovely bottle. I purchased the gift thru
Amazon and spent $5 (total/all together) for 32 oz of Iodine. (funny, I just
saw in Wikipedia that Iodine is used in making methamphetamine and that large
purchases are tracked by the DEA!).

 

Well, lo and behold, my recommendations have been
tailored for someone who has an affinity for Monkey Blood and such things. My
recommendations include a skin stapler (with 25 staples), an ammonia inhalant,
a synthetic suture / needle combination, bloodstopper trauma dressing and a
waterjel burn gel unit.

 

Looks like I’m going to have to step up my First Aid
Kit!!

 

Good luck to those of you who are still alive in the pool
with a shot at the playoffs!  Hope Santa
brings you a big stocking filled with Point Pool Points!!!

 

And Happy Holidays to everyone.  Or, the words of Russo, "Have a great Holiday… no… shit no… Have a Great Christmas…
enough of this political correctness crap".  Amen!!

 

Cheers,

 

~Juicy!

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in General | No Comments »

Juicy’s NFL Point Pool Week 15 Review

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008


Hey Gang!

 

Happy Pro Bowl Section Day to you and yours!

 

Sorry it took me so long to post this…  I got into a fight with a 7′ Christmas Tree
and was very much NOT the winner!  My
hands are so sappy, each key stroke takes 5 minutes.

 

Once again, thank you everyone for getting your picks in
on time!!! Much appreciated!

 

THERE IS A GAME THIS THURSDAY, SO ALL PICKS ARE DUE THURSDAY
NIGHT BY 8:00 P.M. ET.

 

Here is the Low Down for Week 15 (and some other junk):

Congrats to FFP for the largest gain this week and for
jumping to 1st place.

 

Only 2 more weeks in the regular season! Yikes!! What are
we going to do??

 

The average points wagered by each team jumped to 80%.

 

The average risk this week was 27,478.

 

Of the total points wagered this week, the majority or
57% were bet on losing teams.

 

Another crazy week — 11 underdogs were winners, 5 of
them won outright.  The Chiefs make me so
sad; the Lions keep fighting and actually looked decent at certain points this
week; I was so happy that Cassel had a great
game after losing his father last week; Jets were saved by fumble; the Steelers
were saved by a much refuted irrefutable reversal.

 

I think I grew too accustomed to having a dependably
great team last year in the Patriots. It just seems the teams that have reached
that "great" echelon this year fall quickly and rather disgracefully.

 

Will the UPS whiteboard guy ever run out of things to
draw?

 

Arena Football League will cancel the 2009 season to
build a better business model given the difficult state of the economy. That’s
disappointing. In these tough economic times, tickets to an arena football game
were about the only affordable ticket in the sports world.

 

If I start a petition to stop Keanu Reaves from making
any more movies, can I count on your support??

 

NHL: No Humor League

 

I honestly cannot believe the Dallas Stars are kicking
Sean Avery off the team. Now I don’t follow hockey at all, so I’m not sure if
he’s good or not. But he had a $15.5M contract. I’m assuming he’s not a piece
of dog doodey. So, why kick him off just because he likes to talk badly about
his ex-girlfriend?

 

In case you haven’t been following the saga, a couple of
weeks ago Avery made a comment about his "sloppy seconds" which I
just think is hilarious. The Stars were getting ready to travel to Calgary and he made some comment about one of the Calgary guys who is
currently shacking up with Avery’s ex, Elisha Cuthbert (who happens to be a
favorite of Big Papa’s from her days as Jack Bauer’s daughter on 24). Anyway,
it was a funny comment and not totally over the top.

 

The NHL suspended him for 6 games and made him seek anger
management classes. Unbelievable. And now the Stars are saying that when he is
allowed to come back after the suspension they don’t want him on their team.
Seriously?? It’s not like he shot himself in the leg!! Since when it is
impermissible for a guy to diss his ex? That’s just human nature. And let’s be
honest, Elisha does seem to be riffling through the NHL starting lineups. And "sloppy
seconds" is just such a funny thing to say.

 

The craziest thing is that reading the quotes from his
former teammates and coaches and others involved make it sound like he had both
of his legs amputated. "There’s no sense talking about it until he gets
better." As far as trading him is concerned, "it’s hard enough to
make a deal with 2 healthy players."

 

There’s nothing wrong with the guy! He made a smart ass
comment. That’s all!!! I guess he’s undergoing a humorectomy. I wish him a
speedy recovery!

 

So I sucked it up and watched MNF … with the sound
on,  no less!

Here are the things I learned while watching MNF:

It’s a lot easier to convert a 3rd and 3 than a 3rd and 7
plus.

 

Gaining enough yards for a first down can also be called "a
positive play".

 

You can segue any conversation easily with "speaking
of Brian Westbrook"? doesn’t matter if you are talking about the price of
oil in China?
works every time!

 

Evidently, saying that a receiver is covered by Shaun
Rogers is an oxymoron. That’s interesting. I thought an oxymoron was when 2
contradictory terms were combined, as in deafening silence. How would it be
contradictory to say that a 360 pound mammoth of a man is covering someone? I
can’t question the wisdom of the MNF crew. I can only hope to learn from it.
(By the way, who weighs more: Shaun Rodgers, Cromeo or Andy Reid?)

 

No more Cromeo jokes. His droopy dog eyes make me so sad.
I just want to hug him.

 

It was 40 degrees warmer in Philly than Denver on Monday.

 

Monday was Chamber of Commerce Day in Philly. I hope you
all got your Chamber of Commerce Day cards out in time!

 

MNF hired some focus groups prior to the game. Their
findings: it takes the average person 14 references before they understand that
Ken Dorsey went to Miami
and led them to a National Championship. Just to be on the safe side, the MNF
crew went with 18 references.

 

If you can’t be too sure that the audience understands
the words "dramatic" and "drastic", it is better to use
them together. Such as, "their numbers are dramatically drastically down".

 

Every time Braylon Edwards is responsible for a
reception, you have to say "caught that one".

(27 Dropped Balls this year!!! Amazing. Simply Amazing.
The Sports Guy had the best idea - "what if the Browns saved every game
ball that Edwards dropped during the ‘08 season and auctioned them afterward as
a collector’s set? Imagine a sports bar buying it and building a special shelf
behind the bar to accommodate 27 dropped footballs from Braylon? The Browns
fans would go there just to stare at it the same way people stare at the Grand Canyon.")

 

It’s fun to say things like "big time NFL throw".

 

The over/under on the time elapsed between the announcers
saying "it’s impossible to find anything wrong with Donovan McNabb"
and Donovan McNabb throwing an interception is 6 seconds. (by the way? I LOVE
that Baskett chased down McDonald on that INT and saved a touchdown!! It always
bugs me to see guys jog idly down the field as if they have no intention of
stopping the pick 6… I thought that McDonald was in the end zone after stiff
arming Westbrook? way to go Baskett!!)

 

It is more than permissible to say "explosive run"
and "gain of 2" in the same sentence.

 

The game film is only used when the team did everything
perfectly? kind of as a backdrop to a great celebration. If the team had some
miscues, they will not want to watch the game film!

 

Fireworks make everything better! Even an Eagles TD.

 

Kevin Kolb has way too much skin on his forehead. When he
straps on his helmet, all of the skin pushes into his eyes? How is this kid a
QB? He can’t even see through his skin flaps.

 

I was confused as to why the Browns were sporting not
only the "GU" sticker on their helmets for Gene Upshaw, but also a "GH"
sticker. My boys in the booth didn’t elaborate on this soon enough for my
liking, so I turned to my one and only source of truth and wisdom - Wikipedia!
The Browns will wear the "GH" sticker for the remainder of the year
to pay tribute to Hall of Fame Offensive Guard Gene Hickerson who passed away a
couple months ago. The schmucks in the booth didn’t mentioned this until 1:17
left in the game.

 

Other MNF Thoughts?

So, I guess Hank Williams Jr. always says "let’s
blow the roof off <home team> tonight" in his MNF song. It was
insensitive when he said it in Houston
following Hurricane Ike’s destruction of the dome and it was dumb when he said
it in Philly where there is no roof.

 

I was going to give them grief for continuously saying
about Donovan McNabb’s performance, "you can’t throw a ball better than
that" and "you can’t spot the open receiver better than that"?
but then I realized that Tirico was just saying that to Jaws.

 

I went to the kitchen in between plays? and I came back
to hear the MNF guys saying, "sometimes you have to look in the mirror and
say you know what, we’re not that good". I was so excited that they
admitted it. I rewound to hear the whole admission. Evidently they were talking
about Braylon Edwards. Ah, so close!!!

 

Is it just me, or were the guys kind of bragging about
having the Browns on MNF 3 times this year? That’s nothing to be proud of.

 

I cannot believe it took them over 2 hours to mention
that Jaws played for the Eagles. I missed the pre-game. I am really hoping they
drilled that little factoid to death. I was disappointed at how long it took
them to talk about it during the game.

 

Possibly my favorite exchange between the dynamic trio
occurred when they were lamenting on Cromeo’s future in Cleveland. After spending 5 minutes
prognosticating who his replacement will be once he gets shit canned, they
spent the next 3 minutes criticizing sports reporters and saying how unfair it
is to jump to a conclusion that he will be fired. I really don’t think that
even SNL could do a better job scripting these nimrods.

 

 

I hope everyone has a great week and good luck to those
remaining in the pool.

 

Cheers,

~Juicy

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in General | 3 Comments »

NFL Week 13 in Review

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
Here is the Low Down for Week 13 (peppered with ramblings
to spice it up):

 

Congrats to my pal Shamu for hitting the biggest gain
this week.

 

The average wagered by each team was a hefty 78% of total
points, resulting in an average risk of 18,532 points! Staggering!

 

The Point Pool gave people a lot to be thankful for on
Thursday. 135,000 points were won in the point pool versus 23,300 lost.

 

Overall, people made more good picks than bad picks. 58%
of the picks were good to 42% bad. And, as an added bonus, they wagered more on
the good picks. 64% of the points wagered were on winners.

 

I guess it’s appropriate during the Thanksgiving weekend
when everyone is traveling that the Road Teams would be so victorious. Of the
12 games played Sunday, only 2 were won by the Home Team.

 

Six underdog road teams won outright.

 

Did you know that cattle belching is more harmful to the
environment than cars?? In fact, 18% of greenhouse gases can be attributed to
the methane emitted through cattle belching. That is higher than the total
impact of all transportation - cars, , buses, planes, ships. One cow can burp
up to 50 million metric tons of methane gas each year. Holy Cow!! Correct me if
I’m wrong, but it sounds like we need to stop trading in our SUVs for hybrids
and start eating more burgers.

 

I hope everyone is betting the overs this year and
cashing in. Whether it’s over in total points or over in total number of times
the announcers said the word "gunslinger" in Sunday’s Broncos/Jets game. Either
way, winner!!!

 

Speaking of The Broncos and Jets, who has the bigger
identity crisis after Sunday?s game? The week prior, the Jets dominated the
previously undefeated Titans while the Broncos pissed away a game at home
against the Raiders. Can the real Jets and Broncos please stand up? It was fun
to see all of the analysts backpedal after saying that the Jets were the best
team in the AFC, though. I like a good backpedal.

 

Indy has only won one game by more than 6 points, but
they are favored this week over the Bengals by 13.5.

 

USC is forfeiting 2 timeouts in the game against UCLA
this weekend to wear Red on the road. (In college, road teams are supposed to
wear white). To make it really worth it, I hope they go full on Red like the
Titans did last night.

 

Speaking of the Titans, did you guys hear the lyrics to
Hank Williams Jr’s MNF song last night? "We’re gonna blow the roof off Houston tonight."
Slightly inappropriate after Hurricane Ike.

 

And did you see the announcers, with their full on man
crush, lusting over Jack Del Rio. "Oooooh, he looks so handsome in that leather
jacket"? Jaws honestly said, "Del Rio
is the perfect image of the team; tough and strong and looks really good
getting off the bus".

 

Why do I insist on watching MNF with the sound on? And
why must I watch the pre-game show? Ugh. I just can’t stop. I must enjoy
torturing myself. I am also watching Fringe week after week after week. Even
though I described the show as raking open nerve endings over a cheese grater.
Last week, my sister and I watched a couple of the episodes I had on my Tivo.
Then we spent the subsequent 2 hours, sharing a bottle of wine and comparing
all of the things that bother us about the show. I guess that’s why we torture
ourselves. To bond over shared misery.

 

So, while I’m watching all of these shows I hate and
wasting countless hours, I’m way behind in my reading. I have 2 books to read
right now, with another 4 books on hold at the library. Plus, I just found out
that my all time favorite author, Christopher Moore, is coming out with a new
book in February. I can definitely get through my current reading list before
February, but I think that Moore’s
new book requires a prerequisite. The book is titled Fool and it is the story
of King Lear told from the fool?s perspective. The Publisher’s Weekly review is
awesome and promises "tragedy, comedy and medieval porn action." I guess I have
to read King Lear now.

 

What was the more surprising news of the day? The fact
that we have been in a recession for a year or that the Giants suspended
Plaxico?

 

Do you know who controls the clichés used in our
language? Do you think we can convince them to change the cliché from "shooting
yourself in the foot" to "shooting yourself in the leg?"

 

So, you all know the story by now. Plaxico goes to a
nightclub on Friday night. With a gun. Tucked in his sweatpants. While being
escorted to the VIP room with a drink in hand, the gun slips. He reaches down
to catch it. Gun fires. Jon Stewart asked a great question last night, "so, did
his penis unhook the safety?"

 

Page 2 on ESPN had a great opinion question today:

What are you sick of hearing about?

- Plaxico Burress

- Stephon Marbury

- The BCS

- Britney Spears

 

Speaking of Britney Spears, Yahoo just released the top
searches for 2008. Britney came in at numero uno. Unbelievable!!! She has been
#1 for 7 out of the last 8 years. Just look back at 2008… It was an amazing
year. Historic presidential election, introduction of Sarah Palin into the
mainstream, Summer Olympics, economic turmoil, bailout packages, Wendy’s
rollout of the Baconator, etc. And stupid people can only think of one thing to
care about? Britney Spears. Ridiculous! World Wrestling Entertainment came in
at #2. I didn’t even know that was still around. Barack Obama slightly edged
Miley Cyrus for the coveted #3 spot.

 

If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I
wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now?


So, in the last 2 weeks, I found out some
surprising/disturbing things about 2 of my favorite people. Last week, I found
out that Big Papa loves (loves) musicals and ABBA and then this weekend I found
out that my dad hates (hates) Star Wars. Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!? You think you know
someone.

 

I knew that Big Papa enjoyed going to NYC to see "plays"
but I thought he was really going to see theater, which is respectable. Imagine
my surprise when he started talking about all of the fairy prancing musicals
he’s seen over the years and which ones are his favorite and how much he wants
to go see Mama Mia, which is the Broadway musical rendition of all ABBA songs
rolled into one 2 hour torture session. Ugh. When did he turn into such a candy
pants?? Does he see musicals as something that will take his mind off of the
atrocity that has become Notre Dame football? In that case, I might actually
start rooting for the Irish. ;)

 

In my opinion, there is nothing worse than having to sit
in a theater, watching a story slowly progress through music and dancing. Blah.
I speak from experience. I have seen a few musicals. And I lived to talk about
it. I saw Cats. It was horrible. I hate cats in general. Cats are disgusting,
filthy and untrustworthy. Seriously. You walk into a room, the cat looks at you
as if to say "f you!" and then proceeds to lick him/herself and cough up fur
balls. So you can imagine the torment associated with seeing them stand on
their hind legs and sing about their memories. Horrific. I also saw Rent with
my sister. I am pretty sure that we were drunk. I don’t remember much except
that there are 525,600 minutes in a year. I don’t even know what that is in
reference to, but it was set to music and I can sing it to you. And finally, I
saw Miss Saigon. The only thing I really remember is a pretty cool part when
the helicopter landed on stage. That’s it. I think my brain’s biological
mechanism kicked in to block the unpleasant memories associated with the
singing and story.

 

Oh how I wish you could just flip that switch in your
brain on demand! I just typed the word "memories" and could only hear that
damned song from Cats. It’s pretty locked in my memory banks. My sorority in
college was Kappa Alpha Theta (KAT). As part of pledge week, we "reenacted" our
version of KATS (get it??) and the highlight of the show was our rewritten
version of that epic song. The rehearsals alone made me want to stab my
sorority sisters in the throat. During the performance, I distracted myself by
looking around the room trying to spot the rushees that were crying or visibly
moved by the song so I would know who was on my cut list. I spent a semester in
London and graduated early just so I wouldn’t have to do more than one Rush
Week!

 

The fact that musicals continue to run on Broadway and
are made into movies at such alarming rates is just depressing to me. I’m with
Cartman. Upon hearing that the High School Musical craze had caught fire in
South Park and the only way to retain a popular status was to break into song
and dance, he said, "Well, I’m out, guys. If this is what’s cool now, I think
I’m done. I no longer have any connection to this world. I’m gonna go home and
kill myself. Goodbye, friends.?

 

So, when I saw that on my return flight from NJ to Denver
they were going to show Big Papa’s favorite movie Mama Mia, I knew that I would
have to take my own movie on the plane to avoid hurting myself and/or others. I
borrowed a movie from Utah. He had just reclaimed The Lord of the Rings trilogy
from his parents and I had never seen any of them. I didn’t have room for the
box set, so I just took the first one. It was awesome!! I read The Hobbit when
I was little, so I knew the story about Bilbo Baggins and Gandalf. I don’t know
why I waited so long to watch the movie but I absolutely loved it!! And I can’t
wait to see the next two.

 

I kind of feel like an idiot talking about this movie
now, 8 years after it came out. It’s like, "Hey, have you ever seen this show
Seinfeld? It’s on TBS. It is so funny!" (by the way, I’m watching "The Wink"
episode right now? the mutton in the pocket, sleeping head-to-toe, Paul O’Neill
hitting 2 homeruns? classic!)

 

Anyway, my family was in town for Thanksgiving and we
were sitting around the fire one night eating popcorn and decided it was movie
time. I suggested The Lord of the Rings. My dad balked at the idea. He doesn’t
like "fantasy" movies. I told him not to worry, it’s not over the top. I told
him it was a lot like Star Wars. He said, "I hate Star Wars." I can still hear
it echo in my head. I was in shock. Evidently I was the only one. My mom and my
sister were all too familiar with his hatred of Star Wars. I must have just
been in denial to miss the signs. I mean, he took me to see the first 3 or last
3 or whatever the ones were a long time ago. We had the Star Wars soundtrack on
reel to reel. He never said anything negative when I went through my
I-have-to-wear-my-hair-like-Princess-Leia stage (that preceded my
I-have-to-wear-my-hair-like-Mindy-from-Mork-and-Mindy stage). And he never
complained when he took me to Burger King week after week to score the Star
Wars collector glasses. He was such a good dad entertaining my whims, how was I
to know that he hated it?

 

I pressed him to find out what, exactly, he hated about
Star Wars. He hates fantasy themes and he hates predictability. But he does
like mythology.

 

I have to do something to fix these guys. If anyone has
any suggestions as to how to wean Big Papa off of musicals and get my dad to
appreciate the wonder of Star Wars, I’m all ears.

 

Hope everyone has a great week - filled with Star Wars
and Lord of the Rings and void of any singing and dancing!

 

Good luck with your picks.

 

Juicy

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in General | No Comments »

Juicy’s NFL Week 12 Review

Wednesday, November 26th, 2008

Here?s the NFL Low Down for Week 12 (and other mindless chatter just for good measure):

 

Congrats to Mr. & Mrs. Railhead for posting the largest gain this week, doubling up on the G-Men!

 

Another exciting week in the NFL.

 

The Giants continue to look scary good.

 

And the mighty Titans fell to the J-E-T-S who have won 7 of their last 8 and have started everyone thinking about a NY/NY Super Bowl.
I wonder who Springsteen cheers for. And I wonder how Favre?s 39-year
old body is going to feel come February. The oldest quarterback to win
a Super Bowl was John Elway in 1998 at 37 years of age. I don?t know how they do it. I am tired by the time week 13 rolls around just from waking up every Sunday morning and going to the bar to watch the games.

 

I?m sure the Lions were disappointed not to be the first team to beat the Titans on Thursday!

 

The Browns would be so much more fun to watch if the announcers called the coach Cromeo.

 

Can we just replace the AFC West with the top 4 teams from the Big XII??

 

Can we just put the NBA on hold until 2010 when we know where LeBron will be??

 

Oakland had scored only 9 offensive touchdowns in the first 11 weeks of the season. Heading into hostile territory, playing at Mile High Stadium, they had not scored an offensive touchdown in a month. Somehow, they were able to score 3 offensive TDs on Sunday and one bonus special teams TD.

 

McNabb was benched for the first time in his career. I wonder if he
knew that was possible. Sad that Reid wasn?t even the one to tell him.
He left the honors to the QB coach. Nice leadership there, Andy! We?ll
see what happens to the Eagles on Thursday. Evidently McNabb will be
the starter.

 

Matt Cassel
was the first NE quarterback to throw for back to back 400+ yard games.
He?s making it more and more difficult for the Patriots to overlook him
as a future contributor. And fantasy owners need to stop overlooking
him!!! 51% of owners with Cassel on their roster had him on the bench
on Sunday. According to the internet for computers, there are
30,000,000 people that play fantasy football. If each league has
between 10 and 12 teams, an average of 11 teams, then there are
2,727,272 active leagues. That means that there were 1,390,909 people
are kicking themselves. That?s a lot of red tushies!!!

 

Speaking of fantasy football, I lost my fantasy game this week. I am
all but eliminated from the playoffs. It was a close game going into Monday Night. I had Aaron Rodgers and the team I was playing had Drew Brees.
Under normal circumstances, I wish some sort of temporary paralysis to
the player that I?m facing. But I just couldn?t do it with Drew. I love
him. Even though he just wiped me out of fantasy football. I still love
him.

 

Let me tell you why. My dad went to Purdue. My sister and I were
tikes. Or, as I liked to think of it, the shortest co-eds on campus. We
lived in what was called Married Student Housing. As it turns out, the
house that we lived in was situated smack dab in the middle of
Fraternity Row. We had no money. We were so poor, we couldn?t even
afford the trailing ?o? and ?r? and were just called po?. My mom worked
part time in a health food store. The owner took pity on our family.
So, rather than tossing the rotten food in to the garbage, he gave it
to us. We would enhance the rotten food with some delicious meat that
my dad would score from the meat lab. Did you realize that you can feed
a family of 4 for at least a week on one head of rotten cabbage and
some cow tongue? West Lafayette can be a little harsh in the winter. It
wasn?t unusual for our toilets to be frozen over and icicles to appear
on the inside of our windows. I don?t want you to think this is
a sob story. Far from! I consider this to be the best upbringing ever!
My family is awesome and rock solid and we truly enjoy spending time
together. I consider myself to be infinitely thankful for that and for
the way I was raised. (I?m typing this as my family is driving to
Denver to spend Thanksgiving with me, so I?m a wee bit nostalgic).

 

What does this have to do with Drew Brees?? Oh, yeah. Well even
though we didn?t have 2 pennies to rub together, we had season tickets
to the Purdue Boilermakers football games.
It was there that I fell in love with the game of football. Well, it
was actually there that I first learned the agony of having your dreams
crushed. The Boilermakers had these baton girls that were called Golden Girls. No, Bea Arthur was not out there twirling the baton! The Golden Girls
were these gorgeous creatures that would come out with the band at half
time and possessed such grace and beauty and would absolutely enthrall
me. I wanted to be a Golden Girl
more than anything. After practicing and practicing my little heart
out, my sister crushed my dreams by informing me that only blonde girls
could be Golden Girls. In retrospect, she was probably saving
me from years of pain by slashing my dreams right there. I have the
grace and agility of a drunken 3 legged platypus on an incline.

 

Anyway, once my hopes and dreams were shattered, I was able to focus on things other than the Golden Girls during the football game. Like the world?s largest drum! Oh, and I started watching the game,
too. And I loved the game. My sister and I had always talked about
going to Purdue for college, but both of us ended up at Texas Tech.
Purdue remains my 2nd favorite school. And I have loved
following them over the years. I was actually disappointed when Brees
left Texas. (He was undefeated his senior year at Austin Westlake and
beat Abeline Cooper to win the Texas State Championship? interestingly Dominic Rhodes
was on that Abeline Cooper team). As sad as it was to have Texas bred
talent leave the state, I was so happy that he went to Purdue. There,
he and Joe Tiller teamed up. And they introduced the Big Ten and the rest of the country to the spread offense. At Purdue, Brees shattered almost every passing record in the Big Ten.
And he took the Boilermakers to the first Rose Bowl
in over 25 years. And I just loved watching him. He was so poised on
the field. I have always been impressed with how well he handles
pressure.

 

One thing that I attribute to his incredible poise and precision is
his birthmark. I have a theory that his birthmark actually speaks to
him. His birthmark looks down the field, sizes up the defense, watches
their formations and spots the open man. Upon spotting the receiver,
the birthmark says ?throw the ball, Drew? in this high pitched voice
that is somehow inaudible to any nearby offensive linemen, defenders or
officials. The birthmark also says, ?hand it off, Drew?, ?slide, Drew?,
and ?throw it away to avoid the sack, Drew?. Just for my own added
pleasure, I usually reenact the voice while Drew is making the play.

 

I wanted to double up on New Orleans
when they faced the Chargers in London. I really liked their matchup
against San Diego. But I just wasn?t sure how the birthmark would
handle jet lag. Also, would the birthmark, while exposed to the English
culture, develop a British accent? I tend to do this. If I am exposed
to a particularly strong accent for a long period of time, I will begin
to mimic it. But I?m not sure if birthmarks have these same tendencies.
I was surprised to find that there is precious little information on
this topic. I asked a dermatologist who is a supposed expert in the
field of birthmarks, but she made it sound like birthmarks don?t have
their own personalities and voices. Whatever! One of my freckles
started yelling that maybe she should go back to school and become a
real doctor, but I left to save him the dignity.

 

I recently read that Drew?s parents considered having the birthmark
removed when he was a boy. Evidently the doctors convinced his parents
that there was no harm in him keeping it. Can you imagine if he had it
removed?? He certainly wouldn?t be the quarterback he is today.
Doubtful he?d even be in the NFL. Mark Brunell would have started on Monday Night. He probably would have thrown 5 INTs and I would have won my fantasy game. <sigh>

 

I?m still glad he kept the birthmark. I still enjoy watching him and
his little friend on his face shatter records. Heck, I still love him!

 

 

Hope everyone has a great plucking Thanksgiving!

 

Gobble, gobble!!!

Juicy

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in General | No Comments »